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Updated at 2011-04-22

Misanthropy is a powerful drug. Hate does not appear without reason, but it is seldom the object of your scorn that is to blame. But I hate, loathe and despise, and have no urge to fight that emotion. It is the hypocrisy of man that is the object of my scorn. Disgust upon the simplicity of corruption, and an abolishment of kinship. Humanity disgusts me with prejudicial contempt and arrogant pride. I am no exception.

Because everyone lie. Everyone. You do. I do. We were, are and will never be able to acquire objective knowledge - truth in its proper sense - and spend every single fucking day, fighting for what we currently believe is right. The keyword is "believe". Dogmas are handed out, embraced and overthrown, and since the dawn of pagan worship to positive scientific research, the actual results are adjusted to better suit the established dogmas of our time.

Religious fanatics smash in faces because of exegetics, whilst the science present a new, secular dogma that sheep follow blindly, content with the absence of the word "God" within the scripture. Theory and practice fight to cooperate while politicians alter, censor or ridicule discoveries and researches that is co-productive to their own agendas. Jane and John Doe stands in the middle, unable to practice criticism of sources, and eagerly adopt a pre-made set of principles, while failing to see how their everyday actions work in direct conflict with these interests. Marked by her own upbringing, social stature, education and neighborhood, Humanity is unable to understand and realise the views and needs of someone living next door.

I was born in the 80's, my mother was a pre-school teacher and my father was a recreation instructor. I am a male middle child between two sisters. I grew up in a small district on the countryside, which is mainly built around a steel processing plant. This is my mark and it will affect everything I say, do or think regarding everything and everyone I encounter. I cannot claim superiority, be it intellectually or philosophically. I wish I could, that I would allow myself that arrogance, because it would keep me sane and keep me from clawing at my face in the middle of the night.

But I am not superior. I am just another lost child on this earth. My confusion lies in that I observe how humanity is torn apart at the seams, but cannot present an alternative dogma. We laugh, darkly, at the silliness of our predecessors, mocking their futile attempt to comprehend creation, and I realise that within decades, people with laugh at me as well. And there lies my rational dead-end:

How can I fight for something I know is a lie?

..and I get scared. I feel sad, and then angry. Fear turns to Anger which turns to Hate. I need an enemy, but I cannot exclude myself from my collection of antagonists. I wish for an apocalypse. I wish for utter, fucking destruction, be it thermonuclear warfare or an airborne AIDS-pandemic. And if I survive long enough to witness the heaps of human remains, I will dance laughingly at their heads and await my own demise, slitting my cheeks in a perpetual grin and hope for a painful death as to atone for my own part in this travesty.

Misanthropy is a powerful drug. But sometimes, drugs is the only thing that will keep you sane.

This content is gathered from http://blog.riotamot.com. It is shown here because it is tagged with 'vampiressuck' and is written in English.

Torpor 2011-05-12

Let the dead rest until they are needed again. It is no use to deny it any longer. I have to put Vampires Suck on indefinite hold for now. There’s a number of reasons why, and I’ll try to sum them up fairly quickly.

One thing is the internet as a medium in itself. You’ve seen me contemplate in earlier commentaries how the need for proper updates and a fair amount of content each update makes longer storylines challenging. After my first creative breakdown, I started the Chronicles of coffee and cigarettes, adjusting focus from the setting to those who (ab)use it. These were short gags presented as strips. But I don’t want to make strips. Or gags for that matter. At least not now.

VS evolved into something I find much more interesting creating – a story. Some of you, who play any edition of WoD, realise this as well. It’s not about how shitty or badass your character is in a game mechanic balance perspective. It is the drama that inevitably will surface because everything you touch will turn to shit. Life’s still a fucking joke, but everyone doesn’t get it, and others don’t find it particularly funny.

Continuing on what has been done is troublesome. I could start making proper ‘zines altogether out of VS, but there’s simply too much backstory only available online. And then there’s my conscious decision to direct VS to those already familiar with the Masquerade-setting. A proper shift in medium would require a full re-boot, and probably to drop the universe by White Wolf altogether.

But I assure you that the vampires have not returned into the shadows forever. They are always present, and the great resource material for classical Victorian horror can be applied within a multitude of settings. But VS as it is and has been, will not be for quite a while. I am deeply indebted to you all for giving me these 4 years.

Thank you so much,
I love you.


Martin & Anna2011-04-23 00:19:24

It pains us to see you feeling this way. We have both been where you are. It is a terrible place, and one that you cannot just leave at will. Hell, for me (M) it wasn't even possible to see how it would be possible to view the world differently when I was at the lowest point. But eventually I got better, though I can't really say how, in easy words. Anna was declared mentallly ill since she was thirteen and the doctors told her she would never be well, or ever be able to get off her meds. Today she's been doing fine without them for a year, something she never tought could be possible. So, not wanting to give you any clichés or smart ass words of advise. We don't know exactly how you feel. Just wanted to say that's its possible to claw oneself out of the pit. And we hope you do. Regards, - Poison the Brujah and Siri the Nosferatu

Björn W2011-04-23 01:24:49

Or you could just laugh at it all. That's what I do to keep from going insane at the moment, and it works to a point. Don't know if I'll ever like this world but I sure do hope that day comes for both me and you. Life will be painful if it doesn't.

Harboe2011-04-23 23:31:03

I have to admit that I know the feeling. The comic does come closer to my specific situation than your more personal experience described below it. I don't find hate to be the issue. I don't feel any fear over a misanthrope, no matter how deranged, armed or in-my-face. It's the indifferent ones that really scare me. I remember getting in a fight (quite a few years ago now). I did like people have been telling me my entire life and told him that I didn't want to fight and blahblahblah. Didn't work. What scared me was that moments after it had started, I had the guy - bigger, stronger - off his feet, held him in a headlock and barely stopped myself from slamming a fist into his left temple until he wouldn't be a problem any more (I ended up letting him go unharmed, thank god, though he was scared shitless). Now, those thoughts weren't brought on by hate for the guy. I knew him to be a wiseass and that he was just picking a fight with me to prove himself tough to his friends (note: the skinny geek who spends most of his time reading is likely tougher in a fight than you'd imagine). The thing I believe now caused those thoughts (hurting/killing him) to even enter my head was irritation. Irritation that he'd interrupted a conversation I was having. Irritation that he assumed he could beat me up. And finally, the fact that no one could have stopped me. That indifference towards another human being - someone I knew - scared me. It still scares me.

mirror cracks2011-12-17 20:08:39

The world is illusion. Life without substance is maddening. Does wishing for holo shapes provide holeness?

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